bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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