so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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