Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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