between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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