genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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