if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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