I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
