I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
