It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
