she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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