Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
