2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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