It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So many bounce houses so little time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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