I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
