just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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