Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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