Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
