i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
