I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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