sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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