Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
