You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
