I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
