If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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