I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
