Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
