wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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