If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
