I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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