Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
