I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
