I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
