I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
