Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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