5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
