Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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