why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
