I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
