I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
