rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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