Im at strip club and am horny
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
