And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I am naked and annoyed.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
