she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
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She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
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Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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