Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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