just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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