First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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