this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
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Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
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I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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