For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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