WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
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WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize