One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
