I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
