he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
