I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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