He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
as a side note pls kill me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
