i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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