Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I understand Curling. That high.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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