I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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