Whod you bang
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
