you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
we should paint friendship bongs
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
