John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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