i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
