You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i drank out of a bidet.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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