Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
