The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
