He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
