My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize