Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
