She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
