shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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