I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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