Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
