so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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