matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
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So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
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I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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