omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize