i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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