WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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