Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
honey bunches of taint.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
