Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
