did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
that's an acceptable place to lick
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
