i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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