So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
