Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Randomize
