I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my shit smells like andre
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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