Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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