There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
